From: TECRUS::WEISENBACH "Outlets for hostility... 26-May-1992 1928" 26-MAY-1992 19:35:04.74 To: @PIG.DIS CC: Subj: RSVP for the Pig Roast! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! *********************************************************************** WHAT: PIG ROAST '92!! This time it's the SPRING!¹ WHO: You, friends, family. WHEN: JUNE 13th! Or even earlier... Festivities kick-off around 10pm the night before, with the big dead pig being strapped to the big black pole, then placed over the big hot fire. The main PARTY kicks off around noon or so on the 13th, and generally lasts until everyone is unconscious. WHERE: Lew's back forty in the tolerant town (hopefully) of Southboro. The next message will contain detailed directions to Lew's wonderland. HOW: Simple. RSVP, show up as expected, and bring a side-dish to share! (We'll supply pork and beer, you bring the desserts, munchies, and other alternatives!) HOSTS: Lewis Lahr, Chuck Benz, Chris Mayer, Don Sollars/Dianna Sleeper, Chris Schreppel, Blaine Stackhouse, Alan Cave, and me.² *********************************************************************** RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! RSVP! Did anyone find the idea of taking a core sample of Elvis's body to determine whether or not it was a wax dummy funny? I did. Picture it in your mind: a group of respected archaeologists twisting a sharpened pipe into the ground in Nashville, arguing whether or not the strange substance brought up was wax or petrified flab. Amusing, no? It's time to RSVP. These are special RSVP's, practically a solemn oath that you will attend. You provide me with the following info: [1] How many people will be coming in your party. [2] How many people will be eating the finest pork there is in your party. [3] How many people will be drinking beer in your party. That's all, just the basics. If you are a "maybe", then say so. Proper planning assures no mistakes at the butcher's, since large men with sharp knives are not the people to offend. In fact, a large pig has lived a long time, long enough for the farmers to get to know them. You would hate to have them slice up a friend for nothing more than a fist full of dollars, right? The moral ground on which the pork industry stands is that nothing goes to waste, much the way the Inuit people of the Artic north live. Everything normally thought of as too gross to eat ends up in SPAM. Order too large a pig and you shatter the framework of these lives. They become emotionally unstable and prone to amoral actions, as well as remaining well-armed with knives, .22 caliber kill-sticks, and other painful prods. Order too small a swine, and crowd of happy party-goers turns into a drunken, looting, shooting LA-style mob determined to kill, kill, kill.³ The other half of the moral equation that is the pork industry of America is that Pork is America's Other White Meat, providing the American consumer with choice. And choice and change are powerful campaign themes. So RSVP now! ¹ Hey! Footnotes rear their ugly head. This one further discusses the theme of 'what' in conjunction with Pig-Roasting. I just wanted to remind people that all the old favorites, slow-roasted pork fresh and savory from the fire and kegs of the freshest brew, will still be there. Activity-wise, the endless volleyball games will continue, with either PigBall© or Beeryball being added, if there is space. I'm still working on the rules to PigBall©, though. Lew's hot-tub is out of commission, but you can still bring a bathing suit and enjoy the Slip-n-Slide. Actually, the hot-tub can not be filled with water, but if you're ambitious enough to fill it with something else, then there will be spirits pagan enough to get in it with you... ² Thanks go out to Alan Cave for joining the host list with just a little needling required. Hosts, of course, sponsor these blow-outs. They get to go to the head of the keg line too. In general, a reaction such as "We're not worthy!" and prostrating one's self is appropriate. ³ A good Republican never under-estimates how far mankind can fall.