From:	BINKLY::WEISENBACH   "I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking." 20-SEP-1989 23:07:30.56
To:	RGB::BENZ
CC:	
Subj:	Try this one for size

    Summary for the busy executive:

    Pig Roast is Sept.30th.  Are you going, or what??
    
 ** RSVP with the number going, the number eating pig, and whatever other
 ** details I might be interested in.  Like, right now.

    We need to know by *friday* morning so that the pig can be ordered.

 And now more endless drivel:


    Ok. Fine. We've done it the Digital way, letting it build to a crisis
 before reacting (not that I'm bitter).  I'm talking about that nasty little
 formality called RSVP, short for, pardon my French, Respondez-vous S'il Vous
 Plait. We are in dire need of a count of people attending!

  ** Note: The following section is rated PG-13. **

    You see, in this enlightened age of animal rights, one does not just mosey 
 down to the nearest Animal Farm and knock a hole in the head of pig with a 
 hollow point.  First, you must alert the porker's handlers of your need, and 
 give the four-legged protein source some time to settle her affairs, about a 
 week.  Then, once the estate is settled, a small caliber bullet is gently 
 inserted into the heroic pig's brain by the caring-and-sharing farmer, who
 probably has bad dreams about it.

    I'll skip the actual processing part, with all the hacking and chopping,
 boiling and blood, blood, BLOOD!!!  Suffice to say that those same actions
 performed on a space alien will earn $35 million at the box office. For
 future reference (some are pretty tasteless and non-valuing, so skip them,
 if you like, by hitting return twice):



  Same actions performed on...  | earns...
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------
  On a pig			| Food and Fun for everyone!!!
  On a space alien		| $35 million at the box office
  On a grey whale		| international censure
  On a dog 			| suburban families burning your house
  On a potato			| julienne fries!
  On a Geraldo special		| 3 Nielsen points
  On a Cambodia killing field 	| 3 inch article on last page
  On various canned foods	| a spot on Letterman
  On a Columbian drug lord	| a 1000 points of puppy from George
  On a space shuttle		| commemorative coins
  On the Ayatolla's body	| standard iranian funeral
  On the 55mph speed limit	| more happiness
  On New Telephone commercials	| more happiness
  On DEC's stock		| who'd notice?



    But I digress....

    The key issue is that we need to know how many people are going to be 
 coming by friday morning, so we can alert Farmer Brown that he'll have one
 less trough to slop.  The Pig Roast is the 30th, so one week's notice is the
 23rd, or this friday.  Follow me so far?  The problem is how big a pig to get.
 If a 100 pound pig will feed 40, then how much will we need this time?  Well,
 it's a non-linear relationship due to the overhead of the porcine skelature,
 and there are other second-order effects like weather and serving time, but 
 the first step to solving this equation is to determine the number of people
 going to be there.  That's where you come in.

    If you haven't already, please take this time to RSVP with the number of
 people you'll be bringing, the number indulging in the finest durn pork you
 can get a hold off, and your favorite color.  Fastest RSVP award this year 
 belongs to the inimitable Wayne Parker.  Think what a wonderful world this
 would be if we all followed his example!  You would certainly receive less
 mail from me.  

    So, do it now!  There will only be a few more messages from me, unless...